A brief note on the One True Barbecue

Damn Downeasters. Might as well have been born without tongues for all they know about barbecue.

Thank God it’s America, where taste-challenged mopes like them have the inalienable right to eat like whatever kind of trash animal they want.

God bless Lexington. God bless Pig Pickin’s in Winston-Salem. And may God have mercy on the rest of you.

Good night.

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25 thoughts on “A brief note on the One True Barbecue

  1. I know a couple of Yankees that say that Kansas City has the best BBQ. I think they have brain tumors.
    Whereas I’m not fond of that vinegar based sauce found in parts of the Carolinas, the meat itself is pure perfection.
    Yankees could never understand the concept of good BBQ, it’s part of God’s gift to the South.
    Aloha,
    Jeff
    Aloha,
    Jeff

  2. Downeasters do a decent enough job with the meat, I’ll grant. But it hurts to see all those pigs giving their lives so they can be served in that paint stripper they call “sauce.”

  3. Come see us, Joc. We’ll take you up to Pig Pig Pickin’s or Mr. BBQ, or maybe over to Stamey’s in GSO, or down to the Lexington Barbecue itself. You’ll never be the same….

  4. If you are ever in Zolfo Springs, Florida, there’s a place called Bubba’s. Zolfo Springs is in the center of the state and is a real reedneck town. They don’t have a phone, no real sign, and do no advertisement. The place looks like a dump, just a white cinderblock building with a tin roof and a large Budweiser sign in front. They are an old black couple who have the kids and grandkids all working there. There is nothing fancy here, just first rate food. They make the best BBQ I’ve ever tasted. Their pit is out back, and I’m sure that they give the health inspectors fits even though the place is scrupulously clean. Their sweet potato pie is to die for. We regularly drive the 100 miles each way for a taste of heaven.
    Aloha,
    Jeff

  5. Those of us from the home of the One True Barbecue are suspicious of the idea that anybody from Florida can make real Q. However, we have open minds, and what you describe sounds like the sort of thing that requires further study. Next time we’re headed to Florida we’ll call for directions. It sounds kinda like the places my buddy John Hanchette describes in Arkansas, and he’s one of the most Southern Yankees I’ve ever met.

  6. I was going to ask you an off topic question. How much sweet tea do y’all drink in your area.
    We make a gallon a day in this house, as it’s our drink of choice. I’ve been on other journals where there have been flame wars over how disgusting sweet tea is. I think that sweet tea is another of God’s gifts to the south.
    Aloha,
    Jeff

  7. >>I was going to ask you an off topic question. How much sweet tea do y’all drink in your area.<<
    All we can get. It’s a sign of how the Yankees have infiltrated us that waitresses now use the term “sweet tea” instead of just “tea.” But it is the default.
    >>We make a gallon a day in this house, as it’s our drink of choice. I’ve been on other journals where there have been flame wars over how disgusting sweet tea is. I think that sweet tea is another of God’s gifts to the south.<<
    Avoid those flame wars. Some people are too stupid to waste breath on. Not appreciating sweetened iced tea is its own punishment.

  8. Yeah, I know. But you really have to meet him. He ran the Little Rock paper for several years for Gannett, and has a real love of working class culture. I’m serious when I say that if he didn’t sound Northern it would take you awhile to figure out that he wasn’t one of us.
    And a Pulitzer-winning investigative muckracker, too.
    Or were you referring to the Florida BBQ observation? 🙂

  9. Actually, here in Florida, We’ve always called it sweet tea because “tea” is served hot. I guess it’s just a geographical thing. However, the damn yankees that have taken over our once lovely state are introducing words into the local lexicon that are too confusing to us dumb hick natives.
    Aloha,
    Jeff
    Believe it or not, Publix supermarkets makes a house brand of sweet tea that isn’t bad and will work in a pinch. The manager of our local Publix told me that they sell 3000 gallons of that tea a week.

  10. Did you know that I ended up doing my undergraduate studies at Hendrix, College. Hendrix is located in Conway, Arkansas, and I put in 4 years there. I met my wife there, and she’s a true, blue, Arkie. Actually, she’s a true Southern Belle who’s family and friends run half of the municipal bond business in the state, but that’s a another story altogether. Her family never has forgiven me for taking her away from Arkansas. Arkansas is really a 3rd. world country.
    Aloha,
    Jeff

  11. It’s taken them 15 years to accept me. My in-laws are the center of Little Rock society. They are extremely provincial, and look towards Dallas, Texas as a cultural center. My father in law keeps wondering when I’m going to come up and work for him, as my lovely wife has no siblings to run the business. I’ve repeatedly told him that they need to make plans on dealing with their futures, as both are in their mid 70’s. My lovely wife could not wait to get out of Arkansas, and except for visits, will never live there again.
    Aloha,
    Jeff

  12. It’s good that you’re set financially, then. If you were looking at retirement and thinking you might be a few bucks short, that family business issue might look attractive, and then you’d be in that trap you’re trying to avoid.

  13. I have never, ever asked for help from anyone in my family or hers. I would rather dig ditches than go, hat in hand, to any family member.
    My dad was a banker by trade, and that’s boring enough. Selling municipal bonds is probably somewhere between level 5-6 in the hell of Dante Alighieri.
    Aloha,
    Jeff

  14. Feh. At least we don’t think that a bagel is some sort of giant round pretzel with the consistency of a tender all-weather radial tire. And don’t get me started on sausage. What most people in the rest of the country call “Italian” sausage is Mexican, not Italian. Ruined more than one pot of sauce like that…

  15. We actually have decent bagels down here. Not NYC bagels, of course, but better than you’d think. And my wife is Italian, so there is NO confusion in our house as to what is and is not sausage… 🙂

  16. Yankee BBQ
    As a Yankee and certified fat ass I must interject. I have had wonderful BBQ in places you wouldn’t expect ie NY, Vermont, Ohio. I have had worse BBQ in the south than anywhere else. This is why:
    Southern Hospitality. Cooking and southern hospitality are two things that southerners think they are born with naturally, much like northerners who feel that they are given brains and toughness through birth. When I travel in the south it seems like people down there believe that because of their geographic location they can get away with microwaving a piece of meat and calling it BBQ. I’m not just making fun of the south, this phenomenon runs rampant with pizza and wing joints in NY too, and that is a topic for later discussion. Just because your from the Carolinas and watched your dad cook hamburgers doesn’t mean you can cook good BBQ. I’m not going to argue over Vinegar or Sauce, I like them both in certain situations, however as long as it is smoked without “sauce” I considerate “true” BBQ. That in it’s self is a true art. The sauce or vinegar is separate and always should be. I’m also not going to get into the particulars about whether beef is “true” BBQ either. My whole point has to do with the over abundance of poor BBQ joints in the south based on the belief of geographic superiority. It’s sort of like how people that are 1% Italian think that they are in the mafia?????????
    PS: KC and Memphis had the absolute worst BBQ I’ve ever eaten. I went to the Bahamas (the true birth place of BBQ in the western hemisphere) I had some of the best ever.

  17. Re: Yankee BBQ
    What you have inadvertently done is prove my point. You weren’t finding good BBQ because you were in Tennessee, where they pretty much know dick about BBQ. Come see me here in the Land of Q and we’ll show you the error in your reasoning.

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