My baby is turning Southern

I’m so happy. Just now my wife turned to me and asked what’s the proper way to spell “y’all.”


15 thoughts on “My baby is turning Southern

  1. Westerners aren’t bad. Most of them are from Texas anyways. I am sad to say, that I really am prejudiced against Yankees. I don’t mind blacks, yellow, or red people at all. But those damn Yankees get under my crawl. Especially the ones who live here a couple of years and think they’re Southern. To coin an old saying,”I’m American by birth, but Southern by the grace of God.”
    P.S. I really pissed off a Yankee the other day when I referred to the War Between the States as “The War of Northern Aggression.”
    He tried to goad me saying that Sherman was the best General in that war, and I told him that Sherman and Grant weren’t even worth licking Lee’s boots.

  2. Today, we mourn the passing of one of our own. Let us pray that she shall one day realize the error of her newly Southern ways and never forget that to be a Westerner is truly one’s highest calling.

  3. My wife’s cousins lived in Memphis for a while. My family’s known them since I was born, and we visited once. My parents tell a story about how the four adults were out trying to see a movie and arguing over who was going to pay. My cousins’ parents finally said “Don’t take their money, they’re from New England” and the ticket agent immediately took their money instead of my parent’s.
    Bullshit like arguing about the Civil War a century later is why I’m thrilled I’m a Westerner. Sure, you folks have “more history” back east than we culturally deprived folks do here in Colorado, but sometimes that just means you got more baggage to deal with (or not deal with as the case is with too much of the south).
    I realize that your comment probably was meant to be somewhat lighthearted, and I’m sorry if you feel like I went off on you for no good reason. I’m afraid I’ve got a short fuse on stuff like this.

  4. I happen to like the west, and Westerners in general. Westerners exhibit a concept of rugged individualism which is what made this country great.
    Where I live in Florida, we are getting overrun by people from New York, Jersey, Ohio, and other places from the north. 85% of the folks living in Florida were born elsewhere. And their accents……. I get very angry, as I feel culturally displaced. Florida has had many changes in the 49 years since my birth, and none of them have been for the better. Here in the South, we feel overrun by Northerners who, by virtue of having more money, think they can buy us.
    And, yes, a lot of us are still fighting the War Between the States.
    I don’t take your comments personally, so no problem. I was being lighthearted, but there was some underlying truth to my statement.
    Besides, you can’t get good BBQ in the North. I was exiled to the North for a total of 14 years of my life, and I can tell you, I immediately felt better once I crossed the Mason Dixon line.

  5. Brian, let me put Jeff’s perspective into some context. He lives in the South and has been overrun by Yankees. You live in Colorado and know what it is to be overrun by Texans and Californians.
    Texans are your Yankees.

  6. I was about to comment that Colorado is being overrun by Californians, Texans, and New Yorkers, so that I understood his point. But you beat me to it.
    Three guys walk into a bar. One goes upto the bar and orders the best bottle of tequila and a shot glass. He takes a shot, grabs the bottle, throws it up in the air, and then pulls out a six-shooter and blasts the bottle into million peices, sending tequila and glass all over the bar. The bartender is appalled and asks “What did you do that for?” The guy answers “I’m from Texas, the greatest state in the nation, and where I come from, we’ve got lots of tequila.”
    Not to be outdone, the second guy goes to the bartender and orders up the nicest bottle of red wine the bar has. He pours a taste, swirls the wine, checks out its color, sniffs it, and the takes a sip, swishes it around in his mouth, and then spits it out. Then the second guy grabs the bottle and throws it up in the air, pulls out a small silver derringer and blasts the bottle into a millions pieces, sending fine red wine and glass all over the bar. The bartender is again appalled and demands “Why did you do that?” The second guy answers “I’m from California, and where I come from, we’ve got lots of red wine.”
    The third guy goes up to the bar and orders a really good micro-brew. He opens it and drinks the whole thing, taking time to enjoy the flavor. The bartender cringes as the third guy grabs the neck of the bottle and throws it up in the air, pulls out a pistol, shoots the Texan and the Californian dead, and then catches the bottle before it breaks on the bar. The bartender, not accustomed to murder in his bar, asks “What did you do that for?”
    The third guy answers “I’m from Boulder, Colorado, and we’ve got lots of Texans and Californians where I come from, but I really should recycle this bottle.”

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