The least ambitious thieves in the history of the world

So, you’re going to steal a truck loaded with beer. Okay, I’m with you in principle. But:

WEST BEND, Wis. — Authorities are hoping to break up what must be quite the party after beer thieves made off with almost $26,000 worth of suds from a delivery truck.

A semi trailer loaded with cans and bottles of Miller beer was stolen from a trucking company in Richfield, according to a Washington County Sheriff’s Department report. The trailer was found four days later — sans beer — at an Oak Creek trucking firm. (Story.)

You steal Miller? I mean, come on – that’s just … pathetic.

[THX: Jim G, Chemistry Editor]

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11 thoughts on “The least ambitious thieves in the history of the world

  1. East bound and down, loaded up and truckin’,
    we’re gonna do what they say can’t be done.
    We’ve got a long way to go and a short time to get there.
    I’m east bound, just watch ol’ “Bandit” run.
    Keep your foot hard on the pedal. Son, never mind them brakes.
    Let it all hang out ’cause we got a run to make.
    The boys are thirsty in Atlanta and there’s beer in Texarcana.
    And we’ll bring it back no matter what it takes.
    East bound and down, loaded up and truckin’,
    we’re gonna do what they say can’t be done.
    We’ve got a long way to go and a short time to get there.
    I’m east bound, just watch ol’ “Bandit” run.
    East bound and down, loaded up and truckin’,
    we’re gonna do what they say can’t be done.
    We’ve got a long way to go and a short time to get there.
    I’m east bound, just watch ol’ “Bandit” run.
    Ol’ Smokey’s got them ears on and he’s hot on your trail.
    He aint gonna rest ’til you’re in jail.
    So you got to dodge ‘im and you got to duck ‘im,
    you got to keep that diesel truckin’.
    Just put that hammer down and give it hell.
    East bound and down, loaded up and truckin’,
    we’re gonna do what they say can’t be done.
    We’ve got a long way to go and a short time to get there.
    I’m east bound, just watch ol’ “Bandit” run.
    Aloha,
    Jeff

  2. Nabbing the Culprits
    I suggest the following strategy for capturing the beer rustlers and restoring the “beer” to its rightful owners, if that is appropriate:
    Monitor NASCAR tailgating sites for suspeicious beer sales. It’ll turn up.
    Then, of course, one is faced with whether the “beer” has passed its “freshness” date.
    If it hasn’t return it to its rightful owners.
    If it has, donate it to local college fraternities -they won’t care after about 11 PM on any given night, anyway.

  3. And yet, having been raised on Coors Extra Gold, some of us will drink it over Bud, Miller, Corona, etc. Even so, I have to be REALLY hard up for beer to drink Coors over water.

  4. I am pleased to say that I have never fallen so far from grace as to touch my lips to PBR. I’ve become such a beer snob at this point that for me slumming is Sam Adams.

  5. You’re such a yuppie.
    I still will drink a PBR, but then again, I’ll also drink moonshine out of a mason jar on a Sunday morning when we’re fishing. I happen to know a guy who runs a great still out in the everglades, and his shine is first rate. I’m still a redneck at heart.
    I tried Sam Adams once or twice, and liked it. In fact I’ve tried most beers once or twice and like most of them. The absolute worst beer in the world IMHO is Milwaukee’s Best.
    Aloha,
    Jeff

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