All your bass are belong to us

Looks like Torque needs a bass player. Things to note if you’re thinking of applying:

  • WE ARE TORQUE!
  • MAKE NO MISTAKE, YOU WILL KNOW THAT!
  • YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE BIG EARS WHEN YOU LISTEN!!
  • WE TUNE ALL INSTRUMENTS DOWN TO KEY OF B !!
  • BEST SOLID (BIG 2&4) DRUMMER WITH LARGEST DRUM KIT YOU HAVE EVER SEEN!
  • 2 FRONT TOMS MEASURE 22 AND 23 INCH AROUND!! [ed note: is this some kind of euphemism?]
  • BASS PLAYER WILL HAVE VERY LONG DARK WAVY HAIR (CLOSE TO BUTTOCK)!
  • BIG FULL MUSTACHE! [ed note: this would seem to rule out chick bass players unless they’re from Eastern Europe]
  • WE DONT MIND IF YOU HAVE PREVIOUSLY PLAYED AT RUSSIAN OR AMERICAN WEDDINGS
  • GOOD HYGIENE REQUIRED! ALWAYS FAVORED BY OUR GROUPIE!!

If you’re still heaviest, you are reading ad here.

Peace be in.

[THX: fikshun]

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6 comments

  1. Re: i gotta have more cowbell.
    First, I find it amusing that they felt the need to change their name overnight to “Torkel”. Apparently, someone was able to dispute their biggest ears.
    Also, if either or both of you are drawn to that strange duality of mocking the caveman antics of Spinal Tap rockers and the desire to rock out in the hardest way, I have to recommend the game “Guitar Hero” for the PS2. Sure, you might feel embarrassed walking into a game shop and purchasing something with a big kid controller, but the game is pure fun and captures the spirit dead-on. I’ve been playing it for months … and it’s actually made me a better guitarist to boot.

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