OJ speaks!

Well, here’s a fine howdy-do. According to news reports, OJ Simpson will publish a new book entitled If I Did It, in which he details how he murdered Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman. If he had done it, that is. Operative word: “if.” Not saying he did the killings. Just describing how he’d have done it if he had been the murderer.

If you’re not already giddy, it gets better. He’s going to do an interview with FOX News. The “documentary,” “O.J. Simpson: If I Did It Here’s How It Happened,” will be televised on Nov. 27 and 29, “just before the book goes on sale.” (Story.)

This explosion of hard-hitting journalism comes courtesy of ReganBooks, an imprint of HarperCollins, which is owned by News Corp., which also owns FOX News, the network that daily brings you a veritable fuckload of values-based reporting and analysis on the news that shapes your world. I’m so excited I might wet myself.

OJ is apparently being paid $3.5 million, and while the article doesn’t say so, I assume this money will be used to continue his hunt for the real killers. The National Enquirer, which broke the news of the project, says The Juice’s account of the murders is “so detailed and so chillingly realistic” that people will “likely come to the conclusion that Simpson committed the crimes.”

Wow. I gotta be honest – that’s going to take some doing. My assumption all along has been whoever did the real killing was hiding out, on the run from golf course to golf course, and that the only way to find him would be to make everybody try on the glove found at the scene to see who it fits.

It’s a shame this breed of innovative journalism wasn’t around back in the day. I mean, just imagine how much Hitler could have earned by writing a book about how he’d have gassed 11 million people. If, you know, he’d done it.

Mark your calendars…



3 thoughts on “OJ speaks!

  1. Holymotherofgod. I half woke from sleep last night and thought I saw a promo for this documentary. After a brief moment of nearly lucid thought, I surmised that it must have been Bad Brain, yanking my chain via the dream network.

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