I’m awfully proud of my Scottish heritage, which traces to Clans Keith and Campbell (grandma was a Marshall up one side and a Campbell back down the other). I even have a Keith kilt, which I wear on formal occasions. I love fine single malt (the drinking of which I even built into my wedding ceremony) and am the owner of a rampant Scottish Terrier, who is possessed of strong, if not always rational, opinions.
But this, which came around on a list I subscribe to, clearly demonstrates how very far I still have to go.
You know you are a true Scot if………..
1. Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, Sauchiehall St, St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake.
2. Ye actually like deep fried battered pizza fae the chippie.
3. Yer used tae four seasons in wan day.
4. Ye canna pass a chip/kebab shop withoot sleverin when yer blootert.
5. Ye kin fall about pished withoot spilling yer drink.
6. Ye see people wearin shell suits with burberry accessories – pure class!
7. Ye measure distance in minutes.
8. Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him, in yer ain family.
9. Ye go tae Saltcoats cos ye think it is like gaun tae the ocean.
10. Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds.
11. Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it.
12. Somedy ye ken used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding day date.
13. You’ve been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the Church/Chapel.
14. Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips, iron-bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop.
15. Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it.
16. Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure.
17. Ye learnt tae sweer afore ye learnt tae dae sums.
18. Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer pals.
19. Finally, you are 100% Scot if you have ever said/heard these words;
how’s it hingin
get it up ye wee beasties
away an bile yer heid
Up yer Hoop!
A wee Glesga wumman goes intae a butcher shop, where the butcher has just came oot the freezer, and is standing haunds ahint his back, with his erse aimed at an electric fire.
The wee wumman checks oot the display case then asks,”Is that yer Ayrshire bacon?” “Naw,” replies the butcher. “It’s jist ma haun’s ah’m heatin.”
[THX: JimmyD from the Voltage Transformer list]